Misfit

Thomas the Doubter ... a Reflection on John 20:24-29

Thomas knew what he needed. Not proclamations from other people. Not stories or experiences half removed. Not hand-me-down faith. He needed something of his own. He had to see for himself. He had to touch and see, because hearing was not enough … even though the story was from his best friends.

Maybe he felt left out … jealous that he had missed the moment. Did he think that had been the only moment – that Jesus wouldn’t show himself again? (After all, he didn’t know the end of the story.) Was he just faint-of-heart? (I can relate) Was he hurt and disappointed? Did he wonder why Jesus didn’t come when everyone was there … when he was there? Did Jesus do it on purpose because he didn’t love him as much as he loved the others? Was he trying to prove a point? He did things like that sometimes. Was this some kind of acted-out parable?

Maybe Jesus wanted an example for all time … for the doubters who need to have one-of-their-own as a witness. After all, Jesus knew that Thomas wasn’t there the first time he appeared. He knew he was the there the next time. And he knew that for centuries to come, Thomas’ spiritual descendents would be wondering the same wonders, with the same uncertainties, with the same longings for confirmation, carrying the embarrassment and shame caused by their “lack-of-faith.”

The confirmation came and comes in the form of Jesus’ willingness to be seen, and touched … to be available, close at hand … to be affected by us in our struggles and doubts. And by that coming, to relieve us of the ragged need to place our fingers in the nail marks, or touch his side. Because seeing him through the eyes of Thomas, and then through our own, we can only stand in awe, realizing he comes back for us and that his love is what allows us to see him at all.